Originally Posted by
Flame
Obviously when I logged on to talking horses, it was to read this thread.
I understand people's comments, remarks and all that. I accept what people write, some bits true, some not so true.
I've always loved horses, racing and I tried to make a career in a hard industry.
What I done was indefensible but a lot of what was written was not true.
In life you can make mistakes, I made a massive mistake and I held my hands up and took my punishment, a punishment harder than I was advised was likely to be the case.
But I never gained from what I done. I never spent people's money on lavish stuff and the problems which happened, were after my time in racing were over.
I was fortunate to have good friends and contacts who supported with me horses, but I was a fool and stupid. I so desperately felt that after all my own attempts to be successful in having horses and wanting too many, that whilst at rock bottom, I could actually make all the money back and get back on my feet.
I had willing investors and I had a lot of money come to me to invest. Every penny was invested in to betting related schemes and other investments, but I was not honest, when money was lost, I didn't tell people and I created massive problems for myself. Which happened between 2013 and 2015. There was times things went well but on the whole, it was a disaster.
I never tried to deny I messed up, but I didn't physically gain, quite the opposite. I don't want sympathy, I was an idiot, and made catastrophic mistakes and I let down and hurt many people, for which I am sorry for and paid for that.
I have paid back as much as I physically could, and continue to pay back those whom I owed money to, it's the only way to be. It will take me time to see everyone I let down right, and that includes settling off the Poca I have against me, but I will, as I made these problems myself, therefore I have to correct them.
I love horses and racing, and still enjoy watching it, having the odd bet, following horses and so on.
I always enjoyed posting on this forum, and earlier this year I did try and make contact with those running the site, to be open and honest as I always enjoyed trying to contribute on here.
I never tried to put anyone away on here, or any social media platform, I got it wrong on an occasion or two, but you can only be human.
I also tried to reach out to the one person I really let down on this forum, I wanted to put right the past, explain and apologise. I accept that they didn't want to speak to me and I don't know if they even read what was sent, but I am a firm believer of holding your hands up and apologising if you get something wrong, or you do something wrong. Any way they were left out of pocket, I would want to put right, as it was not fair on them. I know I cleared the fees I owed them, as I was paying them when I worked at Rimells in 2006, but they've not spoken to me in a long time, although I do appreciate all they done for me, the kindness they showed and how they had always been very professional. I am sorry for any problems I caused her, and hope one day they will speak to me again, and let me try and repair the past.
The years of 2008 to early 2013 were happy times in life, and I enjoyed writing about my own horses on here, the same as I loved chatting to people about horses and racing, and listening to people's opinions.
I was also let down by other people, as well as letting others down, but you live and learn in life.
I wanted to write this post a long time ago, but I never felt comfortable to do so, and I was lucky that one or two people from this forum who I always got on very well with, have remained friendly with me and we occasionally chat about racing and stuff and I do enjoy it.
I never approached anyone on this forum or any other forum into things that I done that went wrong, I also know that over the years I tried to allow people to come and watch horses run of mine without ever wanting anything in return.
Sometimes you do things that don't make sense, and then when things have gone wrong, rather than doing the sensible thing and stop, and confront a problem, you make it worse and before you know it you have made something impossible to repair. It doesn't mean you are a bad person and it doesn't mean things that have happened are intentional.
In life I would love nothing more than to put right my wrongs and be decent and honest with people and try and rebuild my life.
I appreciate 99% of people don't want to know, don't care and wouldn't even say hello if they saw me walking down the street and I get that. But people make mistakes, and it's how you deal with those mistakes that you should be judged by.
I paid a heavy price for my mistakes and I don't feel sorry for myself one bit. I let people down and its a slow road to put that right.
I paid a debt to society for what happened and your card is always tarnished for that. I can live with that, and everyone I talk to, I am always open and honest and happy to try and explain and everything. I guess in life, you don't want to be hated, you don't expect to be liked or everyone to like you, but it's not nice having people say hurtful things, more so when people don't know you or the truth.
I would love nothing more than to be writing about races, my thoughts and opinions and be involved in forum discussions and could easily have set up a new username and no one know who you are, but why? Why hide away from who you are, if you are not happy to be yourself and have people know who you are then why would you even lift your head above the precipice in the first place.
I know with the majority of people I would be about as welcome as Putin at a Ukrainian Dinner Party and I get that and understand people's reasonings on that.
I would like to post again and everything I ever did post in the past, was always with good intention and because I wanted to genuinely try and help people. The gallops and all that were my own work despite what some people tried to say or imply. I was in a lucky position a number of years ago with the people I was in contact with. Luckily I still have some of those contacts, albeit it not many.
Racing friends are few and far between these days, but fortunately some have stayed by my side and supportive and always looked at it, I made a mistake that personally didn't affect them, so they wouldn't use that against me, that is something that means a lot.
There is no point saying sorry unless you mean it, and I for one am sorry for anyone I let down.
I am not asking for your understanding, forgiveness or asking you to forget the past, I am not stupid enough to do that. But I believe everyone in life deserves a chance to put their life right and make right the mistakes they have made.
I wish everyone well, and good health.
I would love to be posting again, but that's down to mods and so on, and like I said , I far from expect a warm welcome.
PS. Those who did follow my former horses with interest, some of the old favourites in Prohibition, Evergreen Forest and Pipers Piping are enjoying happy retirements happy hacking and being ponies. Sadly the likes of Stargazy, Know No Fear, Ostentation, Resplendent Alpha, License To Till, Calico Cat, and some others are now in the great racetrack in the sky.
Take care
Chris